Jill Victoria

Now that I’ve found myself on the “other side” of the marriage line, I am starting to realize more and more the unspoken animosity between married women and single women.

As a newly married woman in my twenties, I’m more aware of how TV and some of the single ladies I’ve encountered in my life view marriage. Sex and the City gives single women of all ages a reason to feel like their lives are just fine without a man. The women in that show helped me feel like being single, even in my early twenties, was a badge of honor. I could go out, socialize, flirt and be seen as powerful and independent because of my single status. Being single is great! I enjoyed my single days and I felt empowered to be a single woman at times.

What I hate hearing is how some single women (notice I said some, not all) say things like “I’m single because I want more from life” or “I’m just not settling for some guy“.

I can promise you, married women didn’t just “settle” for some guy and we certainly didn’t get married because we wanted dull and uneventful lives! We want just as much out of life as the next single lady.

I’m all for single women feeling empowered, just as I did when I was single. No woman should need a man to define who she is or to make her way in life. At the same time, single women who act like a married woman has given up who she is and shunned her independence for her husband are just wrong. I am just as empowered by my marriage as I was by my singlehood.

Gone are the days when a single woman in her late twenties and up were considered “spinsters” or “old maids”. With the way some view married women these days, the views have flip-flopped at best. Single ladies are viewed as courageous, powerful and independent, while married women seem to be viewed as women who want a quite, dull life with no sense of excitement or adventure.

Honestly, I don’t see what this change in relationship status has to do with who we are as women. I, even as a married woman, am still independent, powerful and courageous. If anything, I see married women as being the more courageous because they put it all on the line for a marriage, to be part of a partnership in life. It’s a scary and life altering move, I promise you that! It take courage and a powerful sense of self to pull it off. It certainly isn’t settling.

Not only does it take courage to be married, but it also take courage to face what marriage brings. I’m not just talking about bills, money issues and the like. Getting married usually means a change in name, address, families and even friendships. It hurts me at times when I hear my single friends say they didn’t think to invite me to something because they thought I’d be too busy doing “married people things”. I’m still me! I’m still Jill, your friend. Marriage doesn’t put me in an exclusive club where I’m a totally different and unreachable person.

Just as a single woman shouldn’t be punished for her single status, a married woman shouldn’t either.

Whatever happened to falling in love and taking a chance? You can still be who you were as a person married as you were single. I think that both married women and single women should be able to carry the titles of “powerful”, “courageous” and “independent” together, because we’re all women.

Even the women in Sex and the City realized they were still who they were, regardless of a ring on the finger and a Mrs. in front of their name.