Jill Victoria

Bullying is not an uncommon thing to happen. I’m sure that everyone reading this was bullied at some point in their lives. We can relate to it, and we still deal with it even in adulthood. I found a whole group of bullies on a forum recently. There really is no escape from these people. But there is an escape from the affects bullies have on our lives.

At school, I was bullied mercilessly for years.

In fourth grade it was especially worse. I ended up in a class with a group of girls who must have made it their life’s ambition to kill me. Believe me, the thought crossed my mind. How many times did I have to hear that I was fat, ugly, a dog, stupid, and that no one wanted me there?

I went to the school councilor for help, but she never seemed to want to do anything for me. I had terribly low self-esteem and it affected who I was. My teacher eventually intervened and made the girls apologize, but it didn’t stop them from their torment of me.

When I entered middle school, things didn’t improve. My sixth grade year had me facing one of the worst bullies I’d ever have to deal with. That was the first time I ever heard the word “bitch”, let alone was called one. Her exact nickname for me was “Hepatitus C Bitch”. Why? Heck if I know! She probably didn’t even know. I did have a breakdown at lunch one day when she just sat there and called me it over and over again. I reached across the table and punched her in the face. Yep. I sure did. She tattled on me, and after I told my teacher everything that she had done to me since the beginning of the school year, I was not punished.

Seventh grade I dealt with rumors. I developed large breasts early on, and of course that meant I was talked about. I was accused of stuffing my bra, and even having sex or being pregnant as a result. The worst rumor I remember was that my dad was molesting me, and THAT was how I got big boobs.

One of the worst things about my bullying is losing two friends during it. My best friends became friends with some of the very girls who tormented me, meaning that at their birthday, I had to face them there. It didn’t take long till I was the outcast, and they were the popular girls.

The kids who tormented me probably to this day don’t know what I went through. In fact, when they left off with the name calling and abuse, I picked up and kept it going. Even now I have to stop myself from calling myself the things I was called in elementary school.

Am I ugly? A dog? Trash? Stupid? A freak? Unworthy of love? Unworthy of life? Am I not good enough? No, I am not any of those things, but the bullies beat it into me. That’s what I heard nearly every day from primary to middle school.

For a long time, I let people bully me. Even after high school I was bullied in the workplace or even at church. I finally started to value myself when I actually decided to not let others affect how I felt about myself.

Do the old wounds still fester? Oh yeah, and they run deep. But then, I have learned to value myself for who and what I really am. I am truly blessed in life. Facebook has helped me keep up with some of the people who made my childhood miserable, and I believe I’ve come out better than the majority of them. I have a husband who loves me, a wonderful family and the best friends anyone could ask for.

I let the bullies win for a very long time. Then I realized who I am and began to see that the bullies in life will never stop. I had to rise above it, tell myself the truth and win this war I fought with my attackers for so long.

They won the battles, but I win the war.

I am wonderfully me.

I win.