Jill Victoria

Two years ago in Valentine’s Day of 2008, I was dumped by my then boyfriend. Even though it was not the most pleasant thing in the world to endure on a day I wasn’t already fond of, that day turned out to be one of the best things that could have happened to me.

I knew it was over with Thomas way before Valentine’s Day. In all honesty, I was pretty relieved when he broke up with me. Thomas was a nice guy, but definitely not the guy for me.

By that day, I had already met and gone on a blind date with David. I suppose it could be considered cheating, but the date I went on with David was chaperoned by Krista and Spencer, and nothing even close to romantic happened other than David opening the car door for me.

Its hard to believe that a break up on Valentine’s Day two years ago lead me to a marriage. But, I suppose that every break up eventually leads to a marriage. Or at least to a long-term relationship.

That breakup was just one of the stepping stones on the way to my husband and the love of my life. Not every ending destroys a happily ever after.

I have to say, I have had an excellent 26 years of life!

Despite the hardships and trials, I’ve experienced a fabulous life. This past year of my life was the most life changing ever, for obvious reasons. It’s hard to believe that David and I got engaged on my 25th birthday and by my 26th we are husband and wife.

I had a great birthday! Though nothing could top an engagement ring as a birthday present, my gift this year came close. I received a Kindle from my dear husband… and myself! I love it and as an avid reader and gadget girl, this was the best of both worlds!

For my birthday David made me a strawberry cheesecake and a Key Lime pie! Both were very delicious! I visited my grandfather, who is now in a nursing home here in Fayetteville. He is at one of the best places around, and my new family full of doctors are close by and operating the facility. I know he’s in good hands there.

I went with David, brother (in-law) John, Emily, Jonathan, Chrispy and Mandy up to Chow Baby for my birthday dinner. Having eaten there on New Year’s Eve, I knew this was the best place for everyone attending my party. We all had a great time together. Good friends, good food, good conversation and lots of laughter!

I really am blessed to have such a wonderful family and group of friends. I feel very loved and appreciated!

Today David and I went to lunch with my parents and GranMar at Olive Garden as a belated birthday meal. David and I then went shopping so I could spend the birthday money burning a hole in my pocket.

We ended the afternoon with a new mattress! I have never been more excited about going to bed before in my life!

Overall, this has been an excellent birthday! Another one for the memory books…. with more to come!

I was out and about the other day when I accidentally eavesdropped on a woman on her cell phone. She was talking rather loudly, so you can’t blame me for hearing her.

What she said kinda shocked me. Maybe it’s because I’m a newly wed still, or maybe it’s just because I was raised to and still do believe a marriage is a lifelong commitment… unless he/she is abusing the crap out of you.

What the loud talking woman said was: “I’m ready for the next one. This was just my starter marriage. It’s normal”.

I literally said out loud: “Really?”.

She didn’t hear me though. Could have been bad.

Is that the new trend? Marry someone, see how you like it and then “break up” with them? I know that the TV show “The Starter Wife” is/was pretty popular. Did that set off this new term and thinking?

I don’t get the concept of this “starter marriage” trend that I’m now aware of. From what I understand, the concept is that you should marry a first time to prepare you for the “real thing”. Um, did I miss something? Isn’t that what dating is? You date someone to see how you like the person and relationship. That was how I prepared for the “real thing” of this thing called marriage.

The “rules” of a starter marriage are the participants have to be in their 20s or early 30s, the marriage last one to three years, have no children and the split is amicable. When does any break up happen with no hard feelings?

I knew already the statistic of 50% of first marriages ending in divorce, then 67% of second marriages, and nearly 74% of third marriages. But seriously, a starter marriage? You needed practice first, so you married a dud while you waited for a stud?

The experts claim that romance coupled with unrealistic ideas of what marriage means is the culprit in a lot of these starter marriages. Couples enter into marriage with the romantic dream of soul mates and constant togetherness. Then reality sets in and no one wants to deal with it.

Sorry. But marriage isn’t something you just decide to do to see how it goes. It’s not like deciding to start yoga or a baking class. Try it on for size and then slip it off. It just doesn’t make sense!

Starter homes I can understand. Starter cars, starter careers, starter bras even. But a marriage? Something you invest your whole heart and life into? No. It doesn’t work that way.

My marriage: Till death do we part.

I don’t have the energy to get married again!

I had wondered about sharing this story before, but never really thought it mattered. It happened right before my wedding day, so though it struck me deeply, it was also one of the last things on my mind to think to share here.

As I was watching a TV show on the paranormal, I was reminded by a scene of a strange occurrence that happened the day before my wedding. The story portrayed in this TV show involved a phone call from someone who was in no normal position to make one.

Most people who know me well are aware of the fact I’m very interested in the paranormal. This is one of those strange things that I find fascinating, and I invite you to take it as you want.

During my bridesmaids luncheon the day before my wedding, I was emailing back and forth with my wedding coordinator via my BlackBerry. When one of the emails she sent with pictures of the bouquets for me and my bridesmaids didn’t come through, me coordinator Leslie called me. I told her I did finally see the pictures and I loved my bouquets. We discussed more things she wanted to clear up before I and my wedding party arrived at the Hazelhurst House in just a couple of hours for the rehearsal.

While she went over things, she also mentioned that she had received a phone call asking about our wedding rehearsal. Leslie said that the person asked if the rehearsal was at 1:00. She corrected them and told them no, it was at 2:00.

I asked her who it was. I heard Leslie shuffle through papers and say “The caller ID said “Janice Cole”.

For half a moment, I was speechless. It takes a lot to really shock me, but Leslie saying that name really did it for me. Janice Cole is my husband’s deceased grandmother’s name. She died before I met David. We live in her house.

Not wanting to tell Leslie she talked to a dead woman, I simply stammered out the answer, “Um, we don’t know anyone by that name right now”.

I told my mom, who stood next me and asked what was the matter, that Leslie just said that “Nanny” called. At the moment, I happened to be standing next to a picture of her in my in-law’s house. I felt rather touched that she wanted to make her presence known for the wedding of her grandson.

I told my then future mother-in-law Deb what just happened. I’m still not sure exactly what she thinks of that.

We still never really figured out how the caller ID could have said that particular name. The phone at our house doesn’t show her name when it calls out. Besides, no one was at this house at the time to even make a call from a phone here. No cell phones are in her name, and Leslie didn’t know that Janice Cole even existed prior to her conversation with her.

Just one of those things, you know? A slight paranormal touch to my wedding. It still makes me wonder and makes me feel I somehow have her blessing because of it. Everyone tells me that Nanny and I would have gotten along wonderfully.

I hope we can.

Christmas has wrapped up now. The year will follow in just two days. It seems crazy how much this year has dragged and flown by at the same time! All the months of preparing and waiting for my wedding day seemed to crawl. Now these days of marriage are quickly passing me by!

My Christmas was very good this year. David and I were asked a lot how we liked spending our first Christmas married together. Honestly, the only difference in this year and last year together is we woke up in the same bed. All the other things, like family and traditions and all the driving were the same.

On Christmas Eve, we started our day out next door to our house at Sally’s for the Sams/Cole/Goza/etc get together. We had finger foods, drinks and visited with people. We left directly from there to go to my parent’s house and ride with them as well as my brother, GranMar and Aunt Donna up to The Varsity in Atlanta. That’s my side of the family’s Christmas Eve tradition. We meet other family members up there for dinner, exchange little gifts and then part ways again.

At my parent’s house afterward, the five of us exchanged gifts under the tree and watched my favorite Christmas movie: A Muppet Christmas Carol. David and I then went home and exchanged our own gifts. It was one of the few moments we had just to ourselves. I loved the gifts that David gave me, and I know he loved the ones I gave him. I think his favorite gift from me by far was his fedora hat. He looks sharp in it, too! My favorite gift came a couple of days later: a Coach purse!

Christmas morning my wonderful husband made sure that Santa Claus took the bait of milk and cookies I left out and found me at my new address. It was very sweet

We then made our way to breakfast at my in-law’s house. John, Yoly, GrandMom and Laurie were also there, so we exchanged gifts with everyone. Afterward, David and I drove to McDonough to have lunch with my parents, brother, grandparents, Aunt Donna and Corinne. Other family members stopped by to wish us Merry Christmas before they left for their next destination.

For dinner, we were back at the in-law’s for the Cole Christmas party. That was fun, as always.

The day after Christmas was the Varner family gathering. We first met at GrandMom’s house to dedicate a tree in Pop’s memory. It was a very touching time.

This Christmas was also a bittersweet time for me and my family. While it was wonderful spending my first Christmas as a married woman with David and my family including him in our traditions, we were sad to think my brother would leave in a few short days to serve in Iraq for a year.

Matthew was supposed to leave on December 27th, but he left today instead. I wish more than anything that I could have been with him and my parents as he was preparing to leave, but I couldn’t be. Please keep him and our other soldiers in your prayers as they defend our country and our freedoms.

Other than Christmas and my brother leaving, things have been going well. The house is an on going project, but it’s a lot of fun watching even the littlest things make it feel more and more like a cozy home for two. The new furniture my in-laws bought us for Christmas certainly has helped the living room!

David and I have also been able to spend more time with Krista and Spencer. We all have such clashing schedules it’s hard to find time to get together. It’s especially hard when we live in two different towns. I just wish I could spend as much time with other friends.

I am almost sad to see 2009 go. It has changed my life so drastically and brought me so many good things and good people. I am so blessed, and can’t help but look forward to what 2010 will be!

I’ve made my list of wishes for Santa, but what I really want for Christmas is for all the people in the above picture to be together.

For this year, I at least have my parents, husband and brother for Christmas. My brother, Matthew, will leave two days after Christmas to serve in the Army for a year in Iraq. I won’t see him again till next December. Matthew’s wife Susan is stationed in Korea with the Army and I won’t see her again till June or July of 2010.

As much as I wish I could have my whole side of the immediate family together for Christmas, I know it won’t happen. I look forward to Christmas of 2010, when all the people in that wonderful family photo will spend Christmas together.

J-ill Vic-tor-i-a C-ole/ jl vk-tôr-, -tr- kl \ n. A girl becoming a woman who is constantly growing into herself day by day. Believes in personal freedoms, less government, God, Jesus, miracles and true love. Open-minded. One who believes in the paranormal, dressing her best every day, and that she is blessed in many ways. Also has a playful nature and sarcastic sense of humor and some wit to her. Enjoys writing, reading, traveling, being with friends and family, a good story and improving things around her. Crafty, funny, polite, well-spoken, accomplished, intelligent and loyal. Loves heels, nice clothing at a good price, and wearing cute bras and panties. Fond of spending time online or in a comfy chair with a book. Known as a frequent Tweeter and Facebooker. Found in the suburbs, her husband’s arms and on this blog.

How do you define yourself?

Everyone has their traditions, especially around the holiday season.

My personal traditions with my family have always been special to me. Part of Christmas is participating in these traditions, and helping them grow.

Traditions have changed with the years. One tradition that we used to follow at Thanksgiving was taking a walk in the woods at my GranMar and GrandDaddy’s house after digesting. We’d also walk up the road to visit family friends. That tradition faded as it became harder for my grandparents to walk that far. I miss it.

During the Lighting of the Great Tree at the Macy’s in Atlanta, my family and I would also light our indoor tree and the outdoor one my dad would put up every year. That was the mark of Christmas beginning in my childhood.

An evolved tradition happens on Christmas Eve. Used to, GranMar would fix spaghetti and we’d all eat that on Christmas Eve. Then we’d watch The Grinch on TV and open gifts from each other. Santa would bring more to open in the morning.

Now we all go with other family members up to The Varsity in Atlanta on Christmas Eve to eat there. We meet and will give gifts to those we won’t see again for a few months. It’s a fun tradition. In fact, I can’t go to The Varsity during the year without thinking of Christmas Eve.

Other traditions I hold dear for the holidays is decorating the house, my GranMar’s elf hiding game (she has five little elves that she displays somewhere silly every year. we all compete to find them), visiting Santa Claus, watching A Muppet Christmas Carol (my personal tradition I started) on Christmas Eve, driving to see people’s Christmas lights displayed, opening gifts on Christmas Eve from each other, and Santa coming on Christmas morning.

One of my favorite long-standing traditions is tomorrow: the McDonough Christmas parade. My family has gone every year in my memory, along with my godparents and their sons. We bring food (usually pizza and chicken tenders) and watch the parade. My dad will actually be participating in it this year, marching with his Marine Corp League.

Now I’m married and have new traditions to start and to participate in. Both of David’s sides of the family do the “white elephant” type gift exchanges. Except they actually bring gifts people want and fight for!

It’s these things that really bring a special meaning to Christmas for me. I look forward to these little events every year, and I bask in the warm fuzzies they give me. Now I’m a new member of a family, and David as well. My brother Matthew also brought a new member along in Susan. I can’t wait for Matthew and Susan, as well as David and I, to start our own traditions, and to carry them over to our children one day!

What are your Christmas traditions?

I’m so excited that it’s Christmas time! To me, Thanksgiving starts the holiday season. In fact, David and I put up our Christmas tree when we got home from the in-law’s house Thanksgiving night. I put the finishing touches on last night. Just the outside decor to worry about now!

This Christmas will be bittersweet. It will be my first Christmas away from my childhood home and parents. Thinking of starting new routines and traditions with David is exciting, but I hate to think of not waking up at my parent’s house Christmas morning.

Two days after Christmas day, Matthew leaves for Iraq. He will be there for a year, with a break in June or July, hopefully. My sister-in-law, Susan, left to go back to South Korea. We’re all having a hard time seeing her go. She called me from Texas crying. I wish I had known Sunday would be the last I saw her.

One of these years, my whole family will be together for Christmas!

I wrote my letter to Santa. I hope he gets my change of address notice.

It’s that time of year again! Christmas time is upon us and I’m very excited to spend my first Christmas as a wife in my new family!!

I have always either written to Santa or told him while on his lap what I wanted for Christmas. I’m pretty sure that Santa has internet access up at the North Pole, so I decided to spare him some leg pain and write on my blog what I’d like this year:

*Disclaimer*
It’s just a wish list. Doesn’t mean I expect it all!*

Dear Santa,

I’ve been pretty good this year, plus I got married and took on a whole new role in life! I have a very sweet and wonderful husband that God set up for me. I’m sure you and He are pretty tight, so you knew that.

What I’d like this year for Christmas, if you can swing it, is:

* A Coach purse. I like this one in particular at Macy’s.

* More of these comfy Pure Beech Sateen Sheet sets in Butter, Taupe and Fern. Even one set would be great!

* An iPod touch 8GB.

* One or two of these storage ottomans.

* Gift cards to Dots, Lowes and Target.

* This nice, simple end table.

* Measuring spoons, cups and new tongs for my kitchen.

* Pandora charms.

* Flameless candles of various sizes.

* This red toss pillow.

* Some nice decorations for the house.

* Two 6×9 photo frames.

* Angels and Demons on DVD

* Dexter Seasons on DVD

* Clips for keeping food items, like bread or other opened food packages, closed

* A garlic press

* Anything left on the wedding registry

That’s all I have on my wish list. It’s just a list of wants, not demands. I’d be happy spending Christmas with my husband and families and friends. The one and only thing I want most of all is my family and friends safe and happy, especially my brother Matthew. He’s about to go to Iraq for a year. He’ll leave two days after Christmas. I’m glad I’ll have him here this year.

Merry Christmas, Santa!

Love,
Jill

P.S. I’ve had a change of address. I’m sure you can find it. We have two fireplaces to choose from