Jill Victoria

I was out and about the other day when I accidentally eavesdropped on a woman on her cell phone. She was talking rather loudly, so you can’t blame me for hearing her.

What she said kinda shocked me. Maybe it’s because I’m a newly wed still, or maybe it’s just because I was raised to and still do believe a marriage is a lifelong commitment… unless he/she is abusing the crap out of you.

What the loud talking woman said was: “I’m ready for the next one. This was just my starter marriage. It’s normal”.

I literally said out loud: “Really?”.

She didn’t hear me though. Could have been bad.

Is that the new trend? Marry someone, see how you like it and then “break up” with them? I know that the TV show “The Starter Wife” is/was pretty popular. Did that set off this new term and thinking?

I don’t get the concept of this “starter marriage” trend that I’m now aware of. From what I understand, the concept is that you should marry a first time to prepare you for the “real thing”. Um, did I miss something? Isn’t that what dating is? You date someone to see how you like the person and relationship. That was how I prepared for the “real thing” of this thing called marriage.

The “rules” of a starter marriage are the participants have to be in their 20s or early 30s, the marriage last one to three years, have no children and the split is amicable. When does any break up happen with no hard feelings?

I knew already the statistic of 50% of first marriages ending in divorce, then 67% of second marriages, and nearly 74% of third marriages. But seriously, a starter marriage? You needed practice first, so you married a dud while you waited for a stud?

The experts claim that romance coupled with unrealistic ideas of what marriage means is the culprit in a lot of these starter marriages. Couples enter into marriage with the romantic dream of soul mates and constant togetherness. Then reality sets in and no one wants to deal with it.

Sorry. But marriage isn’t something you just decide to do to see how it goes. It’s not like deciding to start yoga or a baking class. Try it on for size and then slip it off. It just doesn’t make sense!

Starter homes I can understand. Starter cars, starter careers, starter bras even. But a marriage? Something you invest your whole heart and life into? No. It doesn’t work that way.

My marriage: Till death do we part.

I don’t have the energy to get married again!

Now that I’ve found myself on the “other side” of the marriage line, I am starting to realize more and more the unspoken animosity between married women and single women.

As a newly married woman in my twenties, I’m more aware of how TV and some of the single ladies I’ve encountered in my life view marriage. Sex and the City gives single women of all ages a reason to feel like their lives are just fine without a man. The women in that show helped me feel like being single, even in my early twenties, was a badge of honor. I could go out, socialize, flirt and be seen as powerful and independent because of my single status. Being single is great! I enjoyed my single days and I felt empowered to be a single woman at times.

What I hate hearing is how some single women (notice I said some, not all) say things like “I’m single because I want more from life” or “I’m just not settling for some guy“.

I can promise you, married women didn’t just “settle” for some guy and we certainly didn’t get married because we wanted dull and uneventful lives! We want just as much out of life as the next single lady.

I’m all for single women feeling empowered, just as I did when I was single. No woman should need a man to define who she is or to make her way in life. At the same time, single women who act like a married woman has given up who she is and shunned her independence for her husband are just wrong. I am just as empowered by my marriage as I was by my singlehood.

Gone are the days when a single woman in her late twenties and up were considered “spinsters” or “old maids”. With the way some view married women these days, the views have flip-flopped at best. Single ladies are viewed as courageous, powerful and independent, while married women seem to be viewed as women who want a quite, dull life with no sense of excitement or adventure.

Honestly, I don’t see what this change in relationship status has to do with who we are as women. I, even as a married woman, am still independent, powerful and courageous. If anything, I see married women as being the more courageous because they put it all on the line for a marriage, to be part of a partnership in life. It’s a scary and life altering move, I promise you that! It take courage and a powerful sense of self to pull it off. It certainly isn’t settling.

Not only does it take courage to be married, but it also take courage to face what marriage brings. I’m not just talking about bills, money issues and the like. Getting married usually means a change in name, address, families and even friendships. It hurts me at times when I hear my single friends say they didn’t think to invite me to something because they thought I’d be too busy doing “married people things”. I’m still me! I’m still Jill, your friend. Marriage doesn’t put me in an exclusive club where I’m a totally different and unreachable person.

Just as a single woman shouldn’t be punished for her single status, a married woman shouldn’t either.

Whatever happened to falling in love and taking a chance? You can still be who you were as a person married as you were single. I think that both married women and single women should be able to carry the titles of “powerful”, “courageous” and “independent” together, because we’re all women.

Even the women in Sex and the City realized they were still who they were, regardless of a ring on the finger and a Mrs. in front of their name.

I’ve made my list of wishes for Santa, but what I really want for Christmas is for all the people in the above picture to be together.

For this year, I at least have my parents, husband and brother for Christmas. My brother, Matthew, will leave two days after Christmas to serve in the Army for a year in Iraq. I won’t see him again till next December. Matthew’s wife Susan is stationed in Korea with the Army and I won’t see her again till June or July of 2010.

As much as I wish I could have my whole side of the immediate family together for Christmas, I know it won’t happen. I look forward to Christmas of 2010, when all the people in that wonderful family photo will spend Christmas together.

I’m so excited that it’s Christmas time! To me, Thanksgiving starts the holiday season. In fact, David and I put up our Christmas tree when we got home from the in-law’s house Thanksgiving night. I put the finishing touches on last night. Just the outside decor to worry about now!

This Christmas will be bittersweet. It will be my first Christmas away from my childhood home and parents. Thinking of starting new routines and traditions with David is exciting, but I hate to think of not waking up at my parent’s house Christmas morning.

Two days after Christmas day, Matthew leaves for Iraq. He will be there for a year, with a break in June or July, hopefully. My sister-in-law, Susan, left to go back to South Korea. We’re all having a hard time seeing her go. She called me from Texas crying. I wish I had known Sunday would be the last I saw her.

One of these years, my whole family will be together for Christmas!

I wrote my letter to Santa. I hope he gets my change of address notice.

It’s that time of year again! Christmas time is upon us and I’m very excited to spend my first Christmas as a wife in my new family!!

I have always either written to Santa or told him while on his lap what I wanted for Christmas. I’m pretty sure that Santa has internet access up at the North Pole, so I decided to spare him some leg pain and write on my blog what I’d like this year:

*Disclaimer*
It’s just a wish list. Doesn’t mean I expect it all!*

Dear Santa,

I’ve been pretty good this year, plus I got married and took on a whole new role in life! I have a very sweet and wonderful husband that God set up for me. I’m sure you and He are pretty tight, so you knew that.

What I’d like this year for Christmas, if you can swing it, is:

* A Coach purse. I like this one in particular at Macy’s.

* More of these comfy Pure Beech Sateen Sheet sets in Butter, Taupe and Fern. Even one set would be great!

* An iPod touch 8GB.

* One or two of these storage ottomans.

* Gift cards to Dots, Lowes and Target.

* This nice, simple end table.

* Measuring spoons, cups and new tongs for my kitchen.

* Pandora charms.

* Flameless candles of various sizes.

* This red toss pillow.

* Some nice decorations for the house.

* Two 6×9 photo frames.

* Angels and Demons on DVD

* Dexter Seasons on DVD

* Clips for keeping food items, like bread or other opened food packages, closed

* A garlic press

* Anything left on the wedding registry

That’s all I have on my wish list. It’s just a list of wants, not demands. I’d be happy spending Christmas with my husband and families and friends. The one and only thing I want most of all is my family and friends safe and happy, especially my brother Matthew. He’s about to go to Iraq for a year. He’ll leave two days after Christmas. I’m glad I’ll have him here this year.

Merry Christmas, Santa!

Love,
Jill

P.S. I’ve had a change of address. I’m sure you can find it. We have two fireplaces to choose from

It’s my first Thanksgiving as a wife and official part of David’s family, and him part of mine. That in itself is reason enough to give thanks.

The first part of the day was spent at my grandparents’ house with my parents, Aunt Donna and my grandmother’s first cousin. My brother Matthew and his wife Susan left at 6:00 this morning for Texas to visit Susan’s family.

David and I ate well and visited with my family. We had to eat and run (which is better than staying to eat again, as my GranMar says) to make it to round two at my in-law’s house. My mother-in-law’s side of the family is all present at the house right now, which is fun. There are a lot of people around my age here, so the atmosphere is light and fun.

I am pleasantly full and very glad to count my blessings as I sit with family. God has given me many things in my life. I have a husband who loves me with a selfless and unconditional love, family who also loves and supports me and my husband, wonderful friends, a house and all my wants and needs met.

I also live in a country that gives me freedoms. I may not agree with the people in charge of our government right now, but I’m thankful for the men and women brave enough to found this country and for the men and women who are brave enough now to defend it. We as Americans take a lot for granted, including even the freedom to write and read blogs like mine.

I’m very thankful for the wedding I just had. Looking at pictures from that day with not sides of the family made me once again so happy that David and I had the most perfect wedding we could have hoped for! I first entered the Hazlehurst House when I was 14 and knew then I wanted to get married there I never thought it would happen, especially as perfect and wonderful and memorable as it was. I’d be happy marrying David in a gutter, but marrying him in the lovely setting we had made the day seem complete.

When I reflect on all my life holds and will bring, I can’t help but to feel my heart fill up with love and happiness. I love my life and all the people, experiences, memories and things it has brought me!

I should also note that I’m extremely thankful that both sides of my family are sane and don’t hold Jerry Springer worthy throw downs on holidays. Or any day.

I realized that the blog I wrote yesterday didn’t post for some reason. Instead of going back and trying to recreate it, I will just make this post instead.

I tend to take a lot for granted in life. This past year has really taught me differently. I have been given a lot of blessings in just the past few months, and I definitely have plenty to be thankful for.

The greatest thing I am thankful for is my family. I’ve been blessed to grow my family by leaps and bounds this year! Marrying David has doubled the size of those I call kin.

I consider myself very lucky, blessed and thankful for everyone you see in that picture, and for those who aren’t in it. Family is one of the best things a person can be a part of, if that family is a God centered one. Thankfully, that’s what my family is.

I’m so grateful to have people who support and love me, and who I am able to give my love and support to in return. Being part of a family like mine and a family like David’s is a true blessing. All my life I knew that I’d have to find a man to marry who was as focused and involved with his family as I am with mine. It’s hard to find people these days who are interested in their families, and not searching for the nearest exit when it comes to family get-togethers.

Not only did my family grow with marrying David, but I also gained a sister-in-law and another soon-to-be sister-in-law! Times are so exciting! My brother got married just a little over a month after I did and my brother-in-law will get married in July of next year. More people to add to this family, and who are also involved with family life.

God has definitely been good to me.

My family has gained another member.

Yesterday, my baby brother Matthew married a wonderful girl named Susan. It was a small, close family and friends ceremony at Salem Baptist Church in McDonough. Matthew and Susan were married in the same (original building) chapel as our parents. I know that made it even more special. My dad and GrandDaddy both made toasts.

It’s hard to believe my brother is married and I now have a sister-in-law! I’m so happy for both Matthew and Susan!

In January of 2011, Matt and Susan will have a traditional ceremony to which everyone they want to invite will be asked to come to. Susan wants to have their re-commitment ceremony at the Hazelhurst House, too. I think it would be great if they did! I know I loved every second of my wedding day there.

This time of the year just became even more special. Two wedding in just six weeks and two new and fantastically wonderful people were added to the family.

I can’t help but marvel at how blessed and wonderful my life and family are. I have never lacked anything I needed and I have certainly obtained my fair share of the things I’ve wanted. Loving family, loving husband, new loving in-laws and family, new sister-in-law, great friends, a house, working cars, an education, health, happiness and adventures! I was able to have the wedding of my dreams and marry my best friend, just as I had hoped for my whole life. I’m a newly wed who was fortunate and blessed enough to end up in a house with room to spare.

I have gone and done and experienced more than I ever thought I would in my lifetime. If I have done what I’ve done now, it’s hard to think of what there is to come!

Since it’s so close to Thanksgiving, it’s nice to think of all the wonderful things I’ve been blessed with that I am so truly thankful for.

I really love autumn! Though autumn in Georgia can be confusing. One day can be sunny, cool and have a crisp feel to the air; the next it can be muggy and rainy. But despite that, I love how fall looks and feels. I marvel at the beautiful colors the trees turn. I just wish they had turned in time for the wedding. Still, I get to enjoy them now. Or rather, what’s left of them now.

I think I’ve finally settled into a new routine for life. Things are still hectic feeling at times for me. It’s not easy to change a whole life routine. And I miss being in my lifetime home. Though my new home with my husband is a wonderful place to be! I’m so happy!

I’ve been having a great time with my parents, brother and soon-to-be sister-in-law, Susan. Yesterday I tooke Susan up to Atlanta to a place called Natalie’s for her to try one her dream wedding dress. She looked absolutely gorgeous in it! I’m so glad that Matthew found someone like her to marry.

Susan and I had lunch together at Salsa, since it was right down the road from Natalie’s. It was great to get some girl time with her.

Last Thursday David and I finally got the pictures with Ashley done. We were supposed to have done them in August originally. I’m pleased with the ones she did. As a Christmas gift to my parents, David, Matthew, Susan and I are paying for Ashley to do family photos of the six of us this coming Sunday. I’m really looking forward to it!

I’m also looking forward to Thursday. Matthew and Susan will be getting married in a small, family ceremony at Salem Baptist. They’ll get married in the same chapel as my parents. I’m so excited for them! In January of 2011, after Matthew is back from Iraq, they will have a traditional wedding. Susan really wants to have it at the Hazlehurst House, too. She loved the pictures from the website and from my wedding. I really hope it works out for them to do it that way.

John and Yoly set their wedding date for July 31st of next year. From what they have discussed, it should be a great wedding! I’m just glad that both John and Yoly’s as well as Matthew and Susan’s weddings are both happening locally. I love to travel, but not for two weddings!

Next week is my last week of classes for this block. I’m debating taking a semester break and trying to get the house and my finances more organized. But then, it could be bad for me. I am just now getting into a routine that involves school. Should I deviate from that routine now, or stick it out? I’m really not sure what to do.

I can’t believe that next week is Thanksgiving! I’m looking forward to spending my first holiday season with David as my husband and us both being part of each other’s families. That is one of my favorite parts of being married: family. It’s important for both of us to be involved with family. I just wish Matthew and Susan would be here for the holiday. They leave Thanksgiving morning for Texas to spend time with Susan’s family.

Things in life sure do change quickly. It’s like seasons in Georgia, sudden and never knowing when it might happen!

Today marks one month of marriage. I can honestly say that being a wife is wonderful, but that could also be because David is a wonderful husband. If every woman had a husband as loving, caring, supportive, hard working
and devoted as David is, then all marriages would be easy. Though I will admit, I’m a lucky woman to have married a Cole man. They are a rare and wonderful breed of men. Its not often you find guys like them anymore. Kind, considerate, polite, loving, generous, family and God centered gentlemen. They are great examples of who men should be.

Now I’m glad to know that I will soon have two sister-in-laws! My brother proposed to his girlfriend, Susan. They will get married this month while she is on a 30 day leave from her Army station in South Korea. I’m so happy for them! Susan is a great girl and my brother is a wonderful guy.

My brother-in-law John also proposed to Yoly last week. They plan to get married in July of 2010. It seems that wedding planning didn’t stop at my own! I can’t wait to see what kind of wedding John and Yoly have. If its anything like Yoly was talking about, then it will be fantastic!

Matthew and Susan will have a “real” wedding when Matthew gets back from Iraq. He leaves December 27th for a year. I’m sad he’s going, but proud of his service to this country.

I can’t believe its been a month since I married David! It seems years ago and also like it hasn’t even happened yet.

Creating a home with David has been a great experience. We still have a lot to do, and we’ve had some great help from Lauren and Mandy’s boyfriend, Charlie. Our guest bathroom is done minus a window treatment and a new shower curtain rod. The main living room is done. We just need new furniture to complete the makeover. I want to work on our bedroom and bathroom next. The dining room and kitchen will follow. I’m not sure what to do with the other living room or the guest bedroom and office. We’ll get it figured out though. We have a lifetime to do it.