Jill Victoria

“Be the change you want to see in the world”. – Mahatma Gandhi

Gandhi was wise to say we should be the change we want to see in the world. I decided to be the change I wanted to see in my own world.

My life has been one constant change after another since I met David. It’s even more of a consistent change since my birthday almost two weeks ago. Change in mindset, change in plans, change in ideas, change in living, change in money. I give no credit of this change to Obama.

If I really think back, my life probably started on the path to change back in 2006. That was when I decided to start actually getting out and doing something with my life instead of just sitting and waiting for something to come along while I twittled my thumbs.

My mom used to tell me that I just need to be patient and wait for God. She may not have literally meant for me to just sit and wait without any initiative, but that’s what I ended up doing. What she was trying to say to me was to have faith, to wait for what God wanted for my life. I just took it to mean that I could slack off and do nothing while expecting things to just happen to me.

I think a lot of people have that mentality. Like the guy I knew who offered a homeless man a job with his company and the man turned him down, saying “God will provide for me”. Well, hello?! What was that job offer? This man had no where to go but up and yet he preferred his life on the street to a life of work and reward.

Anyway, my point is I had no motive to take action in my own life. I just kept waiting for something big to happen without me lifting a finger to influence it. Life doesn’t work like that. God doesn’t work like that. I know first hand that God does not reward laziness, and I was being lazy.

When I finally started doing something with my life, I didn’t go about it the right way at first. I worked and I started putting up personal ads on dating sites. The two guys I dated “long term” that I met off the internet were not the right guys for me. The other dates I had were dead ends, too.

The way I went about dating probably wasn’t what God had in mind, even though it did lead me to where I am now. I had to make my mistakes in order to start making the right choices.

I made the changes in my life in order to be able to follow the path God had for me. Sitting around just waiting for the right guy to walk up to me wasn’t working anymore than just hoping someone would offer me a job worked. It was only after I decided to start trying that things changed.

Now my life is one big change after another. David and I are engaged and planning a wedding and our marriage life together. We were offered a place to live by David’s parents, which is a HUGE blessing! It’s not free, so no one can turn their noses up at us thinking we have a free place to live. Though we are worried our friends will hate us for having a house on the lake.

It slowly sinks in with every new plan and every project that comes up and comes to a close in preparation for our marriage that we are embarking on a really big adventure. This is new territory for both David and I (thank God) and at times we both feel overwhelmed and scared. Lately we’ve just felt excited, giddy and like we just can’t wait to be husband and wife and to be in a home together.

I’m usually afraid of change. Hence why I was satisfied to just sit and wait for great things to happen to me. I’m so glad I finally put myself out there and am now able to have a hand in the great things that happen in my life. God has blessed me with a very full life and it just gets better and better with each day!

As I and my guest blogger Nik discussed on the previous blog: every relationship is different, so there can be no rules of relationships. No one set of rules will work for each and every couple out there. It’s just impossible. The mold for relationships is broken every time a new one emerges.

No one should ever be as egotistical and proud to think that their example of a relationship is the one and only way to do it. Your relationship works for just the two of you, not the millions of other couples out there.

God gave us relationship guidelines, but they aren’t rules that He set up for every relationship. Paul covered it when he wrote to the Corithians the true aspects of love when it is real. Those aren’t rules on a relationship, just the facts so we know love when we see it… or feel it.

God plays the roll of the ultimate matchmaker. If you seek His will, then you will find yourself going along with His timeline. He never said that you must know each other (X) amount of time and then date (X) amount of months/years before you’re engaged and then wait another (X) number of months or years before you’re finally married. Society looks at time as important; God just has all the time

Some things are a given when it comes to how a relationship at a healthy level should be. I’ve been told that my relationship isn’t healthy because David and I don’t fight. And we don’t. I never said we don’t have times when we argue about something, but we don’t fight about it. To me, fighting is just yells, screams and saying things you may have meant at the time, but can never take back. Forget the sticks and stones, those words do hurt and they stay with you a lot longer than cuts and bruises.

David and I talk things out. We do it calmly, even if a tear is shed in the process. Neither of us play the games I’ve seen played before where the girl (or even the guy) will pout, bring up sore topics or even do things to actually cause an argument. I’m not saying that just because you argue and have the occasional fight that you don’t love each other, but if that’s all you usually do, you might want to consider an out.

Nik told hers and Christopher’s story. I always admired Nik for not going with the flow of pretty much anything. I think that’s one reason she and I became friends. We both had these I’m-not-following-everyone’s-mainstream-line-of-thought attitudes. One thing we’ve always agreed on was that you can’t expect there to be a one way and one way only situation for something as complex as an individual, let alone a relationship involving two unique individuals!

Since the beginning of mine and David’s relationship, people have asked us what we (or at least I’m 100% sure, I) thought were odd questions. Exactly a month after we started dating, David’s aunt asked us at Easter (the first time I met his mother’s side of the family) when we were going to get married. We were both a bit taken aback by that question, seeing as we were newly into this relationship and weren’t exactly ponder holy matramony at that point.

The question would pop up every now and then the farther along we got in the relationship. Three months in a friend of mine asked when we’d get married. I told her we were only three months in and it wasn’t the time to think of marriage seeing as we still needed to know each other more.

Now, three months may have been plenty of time for another couple to know they wanted to get married. My parents, for example, met in February and were married in May. They’ve been together for over 30 years. Another couple I know met and were married two weeks later. They’ve been together over 50 years.

It took David and I five months to fall in love and eight to realize we wanted to spend the rest of eternity with each other.

I can tell you when David and I both knew we were in love with each other. It was a weekend in July. The second weekend, to be exact. I was attending Shingleroof Campmeeting that weekend and on through the following Thrusday. It was the first weekend since we had been together that David and I didn’t spend the whole time together. He and his parents came on Saturday to meet my family and to see what Campmeeting was all about. It hit me and David seperately that weekend that we were in love.

The first time we seriously talked marriage was the weekend before his birthday. For me, the first time it seemed like a reality for our future was on October 10th, the night we went with David’s parents, Spencer and Krista to see Wicked at The Fox Theatre. Now people can let off on why October 10th is a date I really do want to get married on.

Mine and David’s relationship is not what some people consider to be ideal souly based off of the “rules” that people think you have to follow in order for a realtionship to work. My mom used to tell me growing up that you should know someone for 18 months before you even consider marriage. She’s changed her mind in our situation. She told me she knows that David and I know each other well based on the time we’ve spent together.

David and I met through mutual friends on a blind date; Nik and Christopher met each other on the internet via a dating site. Most would consider both those meeting situations to have high failure rates. Blind dates can ruin friendships along with relationships, and you never know who the person on the other side of the screen is on the internet.

Would either of us as couples say that our ways were the only ways to do it? Of course not. We’re not that stupid.

Every relationship starts out with a 50/50 chance. Ours just turned into a 100% chance over time.

I guess my main point is, don’t automatically assume that all relationships have a mold to fit. They don’t. Just like you don’t fit a particular mold, your relationships won’t either. Find what works for you and go for it.

So, instead of following rules of love, why not just let love rule? If it’s a love that follows God’s plan, then no rules man comes up with can hold it.

Current Mood: Flirtatious

I’d like to welcome my friend Nik as my guest blogger tonight. I’m going to go ahead and post her blog now and then do mine tomorrow.

The point of these two blogs, the first one here by Nik and the second one by me, is to more or less discuss and prove that relationships have no rules. Everyone has a different love story and no one has a cookie cutter relationship. Having a set of rules that everyone must follow in order to have a relationship that works is just plain stupid. You can’t expect everyone to fit the same relationship mold when everyone doesn’t fit the same personality mold.

This is Nik and Christopher Pauls’ story, as told by Nik. Enjoy!

“I’m a loose bolt of a complete machine
What a match
I’m half doomed and you’re semi-sweet”

The Meeting: I was walking along First Avenue, on my way to the library. And then there he was. You know how some people meet their significant other through mutual friends? I met mine that way, too. It’s just, in our case, the mutual friend was an injured bird, whom my husband has never met. He stumbled upon a blog I had written about this feathery friend I’d made. I would find out much later that his discovery wasn’t as much a happenstance as I had believed. Our first contact gave me one of the first genuine, completely heartfelt smiles I’d had, at least as a response to another human being, in a long while. He was rooting for my little bird. The rest, as they say, is history. We began e-mailing one another nearly every day. Neither of us would have been ashamed to admit several months later that at that certain time of night we may have refreshed our OkCupid inboxes at least a few times before heading to bed. When was the last time I had enjoyed conversation with someone to that degree? Had I ever? And this was a new breed of male to me. One who is respectful, even to the degree that he would e-mail me to tell me that he couldn’t e-mail me this particular evening. Who does that? That’s called class, and it was something I felt severely lacking in most people that I knew. He may not have picked up the shards of a severely broken heart, but he was certainly useful in holding them in place while the glue set.

The Courtship: After more than five months of e-mailing, IMing, phone calls, and pretending that feelings that existed didn’t exist because these kinds of relationships just don’t work — what could we do? We were in love. We knew we were in love. We had always been in love. Could we have gone on simply as friends? I think the chemistry alone that existed between us would have melted the earth in awkward tension the day we met face-to-face, had we even attempted it. In month one or two, I may have had no romantic feelings for him, nor any desire to hold romantic feelings for anyone ever again. In month three or four, I may have fought what romantic feelings had somehow found oxygen to give themselves life. In month five, there was no denying anything — just a desperate wish that our lives were different. Because it’s rare that two people would get along perfectly, understand one another, and care for each other to the point of selflessness. It’s even more rare that those same two people would be in the same position and place in life, to give their love a chance to start, let alone survive. We shouldn’t have lasted. We shouldn’t even have started. We became a couple in late November; in early January we were seriously discussing marriage. I don’t think it’s something that most people would understand. We didn’t play by the rules. We moved too fast. We fell in love before there was any romance to speak of, and we cheated the system. And I always felt like every time someone saw us, every time someone heard our names together, they must have shivered with unbearable envy. Because we may not have been the blueprint, but we were perfect.

The Engagement: Fifteen days after we met face-to-face for the first time, Christopher proposed to me. On the playground of a park I spent countless days at in my youth, sitting on the merry-go-round, underneath the Big Dipper, fireflies fluttering close to the ground. I couldn’t see the ring very well in the dark, but I could see that it was beautiful. When we were home, and in the light, I could see all the details that made it magnificent. It was special, and he put more effort into finding it than I imagine most men combined do. He had shown me several rings over the Internet in the months we were apart, trying to get an idea of what I would most like. It had details of nearly every ring I’d responded positively to. The unique X-Factor diamond cut, little hearts in the setting, tiny side diamonds, the etching around the band. If it’s the thought that counts, there’s no number high enough to describe how meaningful this ring was and is to me. The next day, he took me to get a manicure so I could show off my ring with pretty nails. That silly Christopher, how did he end up being so perfect for me?

The Wedding: What was meant to be a yearlong engagement turned into an engagement of just over three months. After spending less than a month apart, we realized we couldn’t bear to part again. We knew our lives would become more difficult, and we knew that they would never be the same again. But could the struggle to be together be any more painful than the struggle of being constantly apart? And we got married in November — less than one year after becoming a ‘couple’ — in front of our two families, in an extremely modest but beautiful ceremony. Sometimes it makes me sad to realize how few people were able to witness it. A month later, we were moving to Canada, our lives about to change inexplicably and forever.

The Marriage: They say marriage changes things. And it does. You spend more time together, it’s harder to surprise one another, your personality clashes start to grate on one another a little bit more, and if you’re living a Christian lifestyle you finally get to have sex, lots of it. Marriage is a more intimate relationship, sexually, emotionally, and mentally. If you’re too careful playing by Dating’s rules, marriage may be a really big change for you. When people get married, they drop the pretenses. They forget about being perfect and impressing one another, and they become themselves. If we’re too busy playing games, trying to be perfect, trying not to break the rules, then we often end up wondering whom the heck we’re with when that pretense drops. I have always said, and will say until I die, that Christopher and I are not a guideline for a perfect relationship just because we have one. There are no guidelines for a perfect relationship. No one should necessarily do what we’ve done, and no one should look to anyone else’s relationship to validate his or her own, because we’re all individuals. If we weren’t individuals, then maybe hard and fast rules about relationships would work. But we’re not, and therefore they can’t. There can be no catchall guide to relationships for people with vastly different personalities. The only reason this works is because it’s who we are, and we make no apologies, reasons or excuses for the way our love story has developed. The only way to know if two people are compatible is to let them be themselves and set their own pace. Otherwise you hinder the natural development of love, a relationship becomes broken, and all the “rules” in the world are incapable of fixing it between two people who had no business being together in the first place.

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, and I think this holiday is a lot like relationships — somewhat detested and massively misunderstood. We can’t seem to just let either be what it is. Valentine’s Day shouldn’t be about playing games that give you an excuse to be cold to one another the rest of the year; it should be about treating one another the same way you do every other day — with love and respect. Likewise, relationships shouldn’t be about playing games that we believe, in our delusion, will keep your heart safe; they should be about honesty and sincerity. And we should be able to trust that if two people aren’t right for one another that’s okay to admit, that’s okay to learn, because they’ll be right for someone else. Our fear of rejection has inspired us to feel nothing, and that’s not the kind of relationship I want. That’s not the kind of relationship I want for my friends. And with that in mind, I’d like to congratulate Jill and David on their engagement. They’re not following the rules either, but who says they have to?

02/13/2009

Mine and David’s story will follow tomorrow.

Current Mood: Flirtatious

It’s Friday the 13th! Those with paraskavedekatriaphobia, the fear of Friday the 13th, are probably sitting in a corner holding a cross and keeping an eye out for black cats, broken mirrors and ladders.

Not me! I love superstitions and folklore! They are always rooted in some form of history and fact, however far the truth has been stretched. They’re a part of society and give us a bit of corkiness in the daily grind. Step on a crack, break your mama’s back. Spill salt, throw it over your left shoulder. Hold up your feet as you cross railroad tracks and hold your breath going under bridges. All the cows are laying down? Must be a sign of rain!

Since today is Friday the 13th, I thought it would be cool to go over some of the superstitions and folklore I know of.

Obviously, being Southern I have heard a lot of different old wives tales, folklore and superstitions. One long standing tradition is to eat collard greens and black-eyed peas on New Year’s Day for good luck and good fortune. The collards represent paper money and the peas coins.

Another old superstition was to cover mirrors with cloth and stop clocks when someone in the house died. It was believed that if the spirit of the deceased person saw itself in the mirror, it would be trapped there. From what I hear at the Myrtles Plantation down in Louisiana, that could very well be true. There are hand prints the size of a child’s on the inside of an old mirror there.

Obviously, there are the tales of Bloody Mary. It usually varies from reign to reign as to how Mary became bloody, how to evoke her spirit and what she’ll do to you when you do. I personally tried out the method I knew of which included going into a bathroom with no windows, turning the lights off, lighting a candle and then chanting “Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary!”. Supposedly, her face would appear in the mirror and she’d come get me. Maybe she was off attacking another pre-teen girl that night. *shrug*

Another not-so-well known legend is that of Mad Anthony Wayne, a general and hero of the Revolutionary War. One of his most famous feats of daring was to when he performed his own reconnaissance behind enemy lines at night using a reversible jacket.

Thirteen years after Wayne’s death, his son, Isaac Wayne, decided to move his father’s body to the family’s burial plot at St. David’s Church in Radnor, Pa. Isaac Wayne drove over the mountains to Erie, Pa., in a one-horse sulky to claim his father’s body. Young Wayne enlisted the help of Dr. J.G. Wallace, who had been with Wayne at the Battle of Fallen Timbers.

Wayne’s body was remarkably preserved even after 13 years. There was little decay except in the lower portion of one leg.

The men decided it was impractical to reduce the body to small packages that would fit into the back of the sulky. With Isaac Wayne’s permission, Wallace dissected the body and boiled the parts in a large iron kettle to render the flesh from the bones. Isaac Wayne took the cleaned skeleton back home in the sulky. The rendered flesh and the knives used in the operation were replaced in the original coffin and reinterred in the old grave.

When Isaac drove his father’s bones back home, legend says that some of them bounced out of the back of the sulky and littered the road. Now Mad Anthony Wayne is rumored to come back every Halloween and walk from the south east corner to the north west corner of Pennsylvania, picking up his bones. He literally had a bone to pick with his son.

Yeah, that was corny.

Here are some other superstitions I grew up hearing:

- Think of five or six names of boys or girls you might marry, As you twist the stem of an apple, recite the names until the stem comes off. You will marry the person whose name you were saying when the stem fell off.

- To predict the sex of a baby: Suspend a wedding band held by a piece of thread over the palm of the pregnant girl. If the ring swings in an oval or circular motion the baby will be a girl. If the ring swings in a straight line the baby will be a boy.

- For brides (I’ll keep this in mind)
Something old,
Something new,
Something borrowed,
Something blue,
And a lucky sixpence
In her shoe.

- Keep cats away from babies because they “suck the breath” of the child.

- If you get a chill up your back or goosebumps, it means that someone is walking over your grave.

- It’s bad luck to pick up a coin if it’s tails side up. Good luck comes if it’s heads up.

- A cricket in the house brings good luck.

- It brings bad luck for a flag to touch the ground.

- Knife falls, gentleman calls;
Fork falls, lady calls;
Spoon falls, baby calls.

- If the palm of your right hand itches it means you will soon be getting money.
If the palm of your left hand itches it means you will soon be paying out money.

- A horseshoe, hung above the doorway, will bring good luck to a home. In most of Europe protective horseshoes are placed in a downward facing position, but in some parts of Ireland and Britain people believe that the shoes must be turned upward or “the luck will run out.”

- It is bad luck to walk under a ladder.

- Cross my heart, hope to die
Stick a needle in my eye. (because that makes me believe you *wink*)

- To break a mirror means 7 years bad luck.

- If your nose itches, someone is coming to see you. If it’s the right nostril, the visitor will be a female, left nostril, male.

- Put salt on the doorstep of a new house and no evil can enter.

- The devil can enter your body when you sneeze. Having someone say, “God bless you,” drives the devil away.

I hope you enjoyed my foray into the weird for Friday the 13th. So far mine has been a mix of lucky and unlucky. One lucky thing was the arrival of beautiful red roses at my office today. David is so sweet and surprising at times! I love him.

Current Mood: Mischievous

I had to go to see my future father-in-law, Dr. Frank, this morning. When I woke up I was coughing up blood along with the mucus left over from my whatever sickness I had. I called my mom to ask her what she thought and then decided to see what a medical professional would think. I text Dr. Frank and asked if it was normal after having a sore throat and cough to cough up blood. Apparently it’s not. He told me to come in right away.

So, I went to see him at his office in Fayetteville. He gave me a one over and then sent me on my way with a hug and a handful of sample Levaquin.

I’m really blessed to have a doctor I can turn to for help while I’m insurance-less. Dr. Frank has been more than helpful and giving. But, he is well off financially so in some people’s eyes *cough*wealthenvycrowd*cough* he’s automatically part of the “evil rich” who obviously needs to fork over what he’s earned for the “less fortunate”. Whatever. I know he’s a good man who worked hard for what he has.

Anyways. Slight rant there.

Kris and I just planned my bridesmaids brunch for next Sunday, February 22nd. I want to get all of my bridesmaids (minus my cousin Rachel who obviously can’t make it since she lives in Nebraska) together and go over things and hear their ideas. I feel like I have no direction and no ideas. I honestly have no idea what I’m doing when it comes to all this! I’ve helped in some way or another with several of my friends’ weddings, but when it comes to me, I feel overwhelmed. I haven’t even been engaged a week and I feel overwhelmed!

But that’s just me. I usually feel overwhelmed pretty fast when I have no idea what to do. I don’t like not knowing things. This is a really big thing to not know a real thing about.

At least I’m not a bridezilla! I’m really open to suggestions and ideas from people who know better than me. I just don’t want to get burned out on this early and I have a hard time pacing myself on some things. I just want things done and done as soon as possible.

Of course, any time I plan something there will be someone who either can’t make it or won’t be happy with it. That’s why I just don’t care about planning things anymore.

I was tagged to do this by one of my old best friends, Amy. She and her twin sister Laurie and I were all best friends growing up. Then life took us in different directions and to different circles of friends. Amy and I have been talking weddings via Facebook. She and Laurie both got married in 2007, if I remember correctly.

Even though this is about spouses, I’ll still do it and answer it about me and my future spouse. Same thing, right?

This is kind of like the 25 things – except there are pre-decided questions and it’s about you and your spouse, not just you. Come on, play along – inquiring minds want to know!

♥ What are your middle names?
Franklin and Victoria

♥ How long have you been together?
We’ll have been together a year in 11 days.

♥ How long did you know each other before you started dating?
Almost exactly a month. We met on January 24th and started dating on February 23rd.

♥ Who asked who out?
He asked me out, I guess. It’s hard to decide exactly who asked who out and how, heh.

♥ How old are each of you?
We’re both 25.

♥ Whose siblings do you see the most?
We see David’s brother John more since my brother Matthew is off in South Korea serving the country.

♥ Do you have any children together?
Nope. We’re no where near ready for children.

♥ What about pets?
No pets. We’d like to get a dog together.

♥ Which situation was/is the hardest on you as a couple?
Probably when he got so drunk this past New Year’s Eve. I was not happy with him.

♥ Did you go to the same school?
Nope. He went to Fayette County High and I went to Henry County High. We also went to two different colleges, for however brief a time it was.

♥ Are you from the same home town?
Nope, I’m from McDonough and he’s from Fayetteville.

♥ Who is the smartest?
I think we’re equally as smart. He’s better at some things, I’m better at others. But we’re both just as smart as the other.

♥ Who is the most sensitive?
Honestly, David is. I’m usually the one holding it together.

♥ Where do you eat out most as a couple?
That’d be both Longbranch and Speedi Pig in Fayetteville. We eat there with David’s parents every weekend.

♥ Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Sadly, only up to a really small town up above Atlanta. I don’t remember the name of it. His grandparents have a house up there and we went to go pick up a piece of furniture from there back before Christmas.

♥ Who has the craziest exes?
I had some asshole exes, but none were really “crazy”. The girl that comes closest to being an ex of David’s is definitely crazy. I mean, literally, she’s crazy. She had to go to electric shock therapy and be held in a place because she was a danger to herself and her kids.

♥ Who has the worst temper?
I guess David does. He doesn’t get mad like he used to, according to people he’s known all his life. I honestly rarely get mad.

♥ Who does the cooking?
Neither of us, really. I’ve cooked on a couple of occasions for us and his roommates.

♥ Who is more social?
I am. Most of the friends David has now were my friends first. I’m glad we can share friends now though. Makes things so much easier.

♥ Who is the neat freak?
Neither of us! I usually end up cleaning more though.

♥ Who is the more stubborn?
That would have to be me. David gives in way too easily for his own good at times.

♥ Who hogs the bed?
He does.

♥ Who wakes up earlier?
David does. Even on weekends.

♥ Where was your first date?
It was a blind double date to a Mexican restaurant with Krista and Spencer.

♥ Who has the bigger family?
We both have large families. When we say “family”, we mean parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, great-aunts, great-uncles and distant cousins. If we joined forces, we could rule the world!

♥ Do you get flowers often?
Nope. I’ve gotten flowers only once and that was almost a year ago. Doesn’t bother me, though.

♥ How do you spend the holidays?
So far we’ve learned to split times with both families. It can cut kinda close, but it works so far.

♥ Who is more jealous?
Neither of us are jealous. We’re both very secure in our relationship.

♥ How long did it take to get serious?
Maybe about five months or so? We both knew we were in love with each other by July.

♥ Who eats more?
Probably David. He at least snacks more. We’re both on a diet now.

♥ Who does/ did the laundry?
We do separate laundry usually. When I’m his house I’ll wash his clothes with some of mine, though.

♥ Who’s better with the computer?
I’m going to say me. Or at least I’m better with things online.

♥ Who drives when you are together?
David does. I don’t really like to drive other people around.

Current Mood: Bored

I’m still sick. Emily and I both worked half days today thanks to whatever the heck we both got the other day. David is also coming down with whatever it is now, too.

I did get up and go to work today, despite feeling totally blah. I worked till around 11:00 and then went to eat lunch with my mom at O’Charley’s. I was hoping that the soup there would make my throat feel better. It did a little bit.

My mom went by Salem Baptist, where David and I will be having our ceremony, to get info on what we can and can’t do and all that jazz. Getting married is way too complicated at times. Why can’t it just be simple without all these demands and rules? Use these candles, but not these. No cameras here, only cameras there. You can’t play this music, only this kind. Seems to me like the church is the -zilla in this case. Church-zilla.

After lunch and wedding talks with my mom, we went by Micheal’s and I got the flowers for my bridesmaids to carry. I picked out red tulips with long steams. I think they’ll look pretty against the chocolate brown dresses. I tried to find some fall leaves, but I was told I’ll have to come back during the summer to get those.

I went by Best Buy after I left Micheal’s and got Mamma Mia! on DVD with one of my birthday gift cards. I went and got David’s Valentine’s Day gift while I was out as well. Maybe I can make Valentine’s not a so stupid holiday now that I have someone to share it with. I still think that love should be shown every day of the year and not just to be made a big deal out of for one day. Single people feel bad enough without something to remind them they’re single, just like coupled off people should feel love every day and not be reminded to show it on one specific day.

I’ve been asked a few times what my dress looks like. Well, the dress that will be mine. I want to share what it looks like with people, but at the same time I don’t want everyone to know what it looks like before the big day. I don’t care if David sees it beforehand or even sees me in it before I walk down the aisle to marry him. I don’t hold with that old superstition. I’m not like my friend Amanda who had a crying fit when her then fiance saw just a picture of her dress. I read that most guys think the dress is horrible the first time they see it on their bride as she walks down the aisle. I don’t want David to think I look horrible. He won’t, I know that already. He thinks I’m beautiful with bed hair and pillow wrinkles on my face.

Still don’t have a place for the reception. David and I really don’t want to have the reception in the fellowship hall at Salem because you can’t dance there and you can’t serve alcohol. The latter is something we can give or take, but I’d really like to dance with David on our wedding day. Ever since I first heard Tony Bennett sing “The Way You Look Tonight”, I knew I wanted to dance to that as my first dance whenever I got married.

If it weren’t for the family reunion going on at Shingleroof Campground the same day, we’d have a place already. But, I know that you can’t have everything. I just don’t want to think of spending heaps of money on a reception area.

I really hope I feel better soon. At least I can still breathe more or less… and still taste things.

Speaking of tasting things, I think I’ll go taste some more of my birthday cake.

Current Mood: Sickly

So, here’s what’s going on with me today. It’s in list form because I just don’t feel like making a full blog post.

• Emily and I are sick. We think we picked up something at David’s Bridal. Maybe something from the rude and bitchy woman who helped us.
• David got his car back, so I don’t have to take him to work and pick him up anymore. Glad that a week of doing that is over now!
• My boss is in his hyper-active Jack Russell Terrier mode again. He’s been calling me all day with different things for me to do. It comes in waves with him.
• So far with wedding plans my mom has booked Salem Baptist for the ceremony, but Shingleroof Campground is booked for a family reunion so we have no reception place yet. I still like the Southern Oaks place in Fayetteville, but I have a feeling that will be a fight to get with parents involved.
• I really feel crappy. I’m pretty sure I have a fever and my throat is killing me. My nose started to run earlier and my ears are clogged. I’m going to call Dr. Frank if I’m not feeling better later.
• I keep staring at my ring hoping that it will hit me that David and I are really engaged and that this is really happening. The disappointment and stress of losing out on Shingleroof as the reception place was real enough. I thought maybe that would have gotten me. Nope. Still trying to feel it. I don’t want to waste this time!
• I’m debating going home already. I really do feel bad. Even my eyes are watering now from a fever.

I think that’s all I got going on today. I’m seriously probably going to go home in a few minutes. Whatever this is has already put Emily out of commission for the day.

If anyone has ideas for a recept

Current Mood: Sickly

Friday, as my last blog already covered, was my 25th birthday. It was a pretty good day overall. I didn’t plan to come to work, but ended up coming anyways. The thought of sitting alone in a house seemed depressing to me. I would much rather sit with fellow office inhabitants than alone.

I went to lunch with my mom at a place on the McDonough Square called PJ’s Cafe. They make really good fried chicken salads there and that’s what I wanted. My mom took forever to get there, but after she did we had a good time. We talked for as long as she could get away with and then we walked back down the street to her work.

I went shopping and got a new top to wear with some birthday money. After that I went to go pick up David from work since his car is still in the shop. Turns out he had a busted radiator hose and a broken thermostat. We went back down to McDonough to my house to see my mom and dad. They gave me my birthday presents, a very pretty teal jacket and a book about Southern weddings.

David and I had to leave really quickly to make it on time to my birthday party with friends at the Chinese and sushi place I like. It was me, David, Kris, baby Gabe, Jonathan, Chrispy, Laura, Key, Amanda, Jeremy, baby Lizzie, John and Yoly. We ate and talked and I opened presents. Kris got me a wallet like her’s, which I absolutely LOVE! John and Yoly got me Ghost Hunters: Season 4, part 1. Jonathan gave me a Best Buy gift card and a card and the gift card was in Spanish. I found that so funny!

After dinner, we got our checks and fortune cookies. I opened mine up and when I tried to snap it in two to eat the cookie, it bent like it was old. I made the comment that I wasn’t going to eat that cookie because it bent like it was rubber. I finally opened it and read the fortunes. There were four of them. I read each one aloud, since that’s what everyone does. The last one I came to was different though. The lettering was bold and larger and said “Will you marry me?”. I look across the table at Kris who says “What?”. I turn the fortune around and I’m only going to assume my face mirrored her’s. David got down on one knee next to me, produced a beautiful ring and asked again, if I would marry him.

Of course, I said YES!

Saturday was basically an all day of telling parents we were engaged. We met up with David’s mom for lunch along with John and Yoly. We wanted to tell both sets of parents at the same time, but it wouldn’t work out that way. Ms. Deb was the first parent to know as Dr. Frank was at a meeting in Atlanta. She was thrilled and thought the ring was beautiful. She’s right, it is!

We all five went by to see Pop (David’s grandfather) because he wasn’t doing so well. He knew who we all were when we got there. He asked me stuff about Henry County… because that’s how he knows me.

While we were there, Dr. Frank arrived so we were able to tell him too. I thought his eyes were going to fall out and his jaw dropped. He nearly choked me when he hugged me.

David and I headed to McDonough to meet my parents for my day late birthday dinner with them at Outback. We went by Books-a-Million first so we could find a wedding planner folder to start using. While we waited on my parents at the restaurant, we filled out some of the question sections in the folder that asked us everything we wanted, from locations to lighting.

When I knew my parents were coming in, we hid the folder and my hand. After they sat down, we talked a bit and then I asked if they wanted to see what David got me for my birthday. Of course, my all knowing mother asked “Is it on your hand?”. Well, yeah… it was. They were both happy for us. My dad cried, even though he’ll never admit it.

So, we ate dinner. I tried lobster for the first time. I liked it. We all talked about some of the things we wanted for the wedding as well as other stuff. After dinner the four of us went by to show my grandparents the ring and then went to my house for cake. My mom makes the best cake ever!

Saturday night we ended up having to call 911 for Pop. He was shivering uncontrollably and talking out of his head when David and I got over there. He finally threw up and some went down into his lungs. David called for an ambulance and they took him to the hospital. He’s in ICU now and doing better. He’s confused as to how he got there, but at least he’s better than he was. We were all seriously scared he was about to die right then and there. He was as white as a sheet of paper.

Sunday David and I ate with his parents at O’Charley’s for lunch. We talked more wedding stuff with them. I think David is on an overload of information. I told him before that there are some things you have to decide right away, like a date and where to have the wedding since dates and places go fast.

David’s parents went to go see Pop in the hospital and David and I waited on my mom at their house. My mom, Ms. Deb, Emily and I went to David’s Bridal to look at dresses. I found THE dress, but couldn’t buy it yet. Plus the lady who was supposed to be helping us was a bitch who didn’t want to do any work. Emily did most of the work, like helping me get in the skirt and trying to help me into the bra. Apparently David’s Bridal doesn’t think fat girls need to get married since nothing really fit… except the right dress. That fit perfectly, even without the right bra on.

Emily and I went to meet David, Krista and Spencer at the Mexican restaurant. We wanted to tell Krista and Spencer in person, but they heard through the grapevine already. They were still happy for us. I asked Krista and Emily to both be my maids of honor and David asked John and Spencer to be his two best mans.

I’m still not used to this whole thing. I don’t feel engaged. Even having a wedding dress on didn’t make me really feel it. I’m hoping it hits me soon. I don’t want to waste this time with not feeling like anything has changed! This is the major change!

I do feel giddy at times, but I guess I figured it would feel different by now. Maybe it will just hit me and hit  me hard one day. Then I’ll be totally overwhelmed with excitement!

Current Mood: Happy

It’s my birthday too, yeah!

Today is my 25th birthday. I’m half way to being fifty. If I live to be 100, I’m a quarter of the way there. I blogged about that early this week, but I still don’t feel like it’s a big number to be at. Ask me ten years ago and my 15-year-old self would have said it was a big number and one I wasn’t sure what would hold for me.

Like I blogged about Tuesday, I see this birthday as a milestone. I’ve come a long ways since I was 15. Sadly, I was already trying to end my life at age 15 after the trauma I went through. Obviously, God wanted to keep me around for at least another ten years. I’m really glad He did. Ten years has changed me a lot. Not only has my outward appearance changed, but my thoughts, my attitude, my spirituality, my beliefs, my morals, my outlook on life, my political views and my interaction with people have all grown and matured with me. I am not the same person I was at 15, that is for sure.

I was almost sad to see my 24th year of life come to an end. It was a really good year to me. So much happened in those 12 months to change my life forever. The most prominent change of course is David coming into my life and us falling in love. With David came his family, who I also love very much and they love me. All of the Coles and their extended family have meant so much to me and I look at them as family as well.

My brother was gone the majority of the time for my 24th year. I miss him a lot and I really hate that I can’t see him on a daily basis like I used to. This is the first time in 21 years that Matthew hasn’t been here for my birthday. He was supposed to come home for my birthday, but he couldn’t make it. Hopefully he’ll come home to visit soon.

So, how am I celebrating my birthday today?

Thus far I have woken up twice this morning. The first time was around 1:00 AM when Matthew called me to wish me a happy birthday. That was a nice thing, though the timing wasn’t great. Really, I don’t mind. It’s so rare to hear from my brother that I’ll take the phone calls when they come.

I got ready this morning and dropped David off at his work. I went and grabbed some Chick-fil-a for breakfast and took David some back at his office. Then I left and started making my way towards McDonough. I had planned to just take the day off, but decided last minute that I’d come into work instead. I’d rather sit where there are people rather than sit at home alone. I’d just be online anyways.

My mom and I have lunch plans, just not sure what time. Emily may join us since she can’t make it to my party later tonight.

Kris organized a birthday party for me tonight at my favorite sushi place. Hopefully we won’t crowd the place out. So far there are 15 confirmed guests coming and the sushi restaurant is a small place. Luckily it’s never that crowded. We can fit 15 people in the corner area and we’ll be fine.

Saturday my parents are taking me to Outback. David is coming and I hope his parents can join us. If they can’t, then it’s ok. Dr. Frank treated me as well as David, John and Yoly to Thai food last night. I’ll take that as a birthday dinner. Mmm… I had crispy duck. So good!

I’ve had a lot of birthday wishes come in on Facebook, Twitter and text messages. My mom called and sang happy birthday to me. Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday!

I thought it would be fun to do a survey about how things change in ten years. We can take a look at what ten years has done to Jill.

Ten Years Ago in February 1999:

1. How old were you?
15-years-old

2. Where did you go to school?
Henry County High. I was a sophmore.

3. Where did you work?
I didn’t.

4. Where did you live?
With my parents in McDonough, GA.

5. Where did you hang out?
Mostly at church or after school with the drama club.

6. Did you wear glasses?
I was supposed to, but I rarely did if I could get away with it.

7. Who were your best friends?
Tiffany Johnston, Stephanie Newman and some people from church. I hung out with Emily and Jonathan a little then too.

8. How many tattoos did you have?
Zero.

9. How many piercings did you have?
Two in my ears.

10. What car did you drive?
I didn’t. I only have my learners at that point. I guess I technically drove my mom’s van.

11. Had you been to a real party yet?
I suppose I have since I don’t know what a fake party is. All parties I’ve been to were real.

12. Had your heart broken?
Shattered is a better adjective to describe my heart at that point.

13. Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter:
Single

Five Years ago in February 2004:

1. How old were you?
I was 20 years old.

2. Where did you go to school?
I was doing online schooling to learn to be a court reporter.

3. Where did you work?
I was a nanny.

4. Where did you live?
With my parents.

5. Where did you hang out?
With the college/singles group at church.

6. Did you wear glasses?
Yes.

7. Who were your best friends?
Emily, Jonathan, Amanda, Christina, Chrispy, Laura, Ben and Nik.

8. Who was your crush?
I think I had a crush on Ben.

9. How many tattoos did you have?
None.

10. How many piercings did you have?
Three my ears by then. I got the top of my ear pierced. I don’t even wear that one anymore.

11. What car did you drive?
My old Ford Explorer still. I got my PT Cruiser the next year.

12. Had you had your heart broken?
Yeah, it was still pretty broken from before.

13. Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter:
Single

Today in February 2009:

1. How old are you?
25-years-old.

2. Where do you work?
For Georgia Parking Enforcement. I’m the secretary to the company and personal assitant to the president. We just became incorporated.

3. Where do you live?
Still with my parents. That hasn’t changed at all in ten years.

4. Do you wear glasses?
Yes. Just got two new pairs, even though I’m keeping my old ones.

5. Who are your best friends?
David, Emily, Krista, Laura, Jeremy, and Kris.

6. Do you talk to your old friends?
Sometimes. We’ve all just grown apart for different reasons.

7. How many piercings do you have?
Still just my ears…

8. How many tattoos?
None, though hopefully I’ll be getting one this month

9. Do you vote?
Yes, I do. Been voting since I was 18.

10. What are you goals for life?
Get engaged and married to David, have children, work hard, live my life for God and to be happy. Everything else is details.

11. What kind of car do you have?
My PT Cruiser.

12. Has your heart been broken?
It has been broken… a few times. But it’s healed now and full of love.

13. Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter:
Taken.

Now, I’m going to just chill at work till lunch. Then I’ll go pick up David at work and head to my party!

I’m going to give you a warning right here and right now:

What you read below could make you sick, blind with rage and/or offend you. It contains language and mental images that are not for the faint at heart. With that warning, you can continue to read.

For about three years I did volunteer work for an online watchdog group called Perverted-Justice. Most everyone has heard of them, or at least seen the consulting work they did with NBC’s Dateline special: To Catch a Predator.

Basically what Perverted-Justice (PeeJ) does is get online under assumed under age identities. Fake screen names are used along with fake profiles for the screen name, fake MySpace pages are made, pictures of members as children (or adults who look like minors) are used and hours are spent talking to pedophiles who troll the internet looking for kids to entice and enter into sexual relationships with, or in extreme cases, just flat out rape them and kill them.

Like I said, I did volunteer work there for about three years, off and on. I was a decoy, but not an official one. Basically, I would go out into Yahoo chatrooms (because Yahoo is where the scum of the earth come to fester) and just sit, wait and watch.

It never took long for a guy to IM me with the impression I was an underage girl. These guys would ask my age, I’d tell them anywhere between 12 and 15, depending on the persona I was playing. They would tell me their age, which was always a good 10 to 30 years or more older. Didn’t take long for most of them to get right to the point. Those were the less dangerous pedophiles out there. The ones who took a long time to chat, to ask questions, to give compliments and little flatteries. They’re the dangerous ones… they’re the “groomers”.

Basic rules for playing a decoy was to never, ever, ever, ever bring up sex first. That’s called entrapment. We were not out to trap guys by stimulating the conversation with sex first. We wanted to find the real bad guys, not just the overly horny and the overly stupid.

While I was active with PeeJ, I did have two specific cases that really stuck with me. One was a radio sports talk show host (local one, too) who did a webcam jack off show for me while he was at the radio station. I sent his chat log with me, screen shots of his webcam show and pictures he sent me to the radio station. He was promptly terminated.

The other case was one that involved a middle school teacher. He told me in the chat that he did fantasize about the girls in his classes. That case went to trial and I was going to have to testify, till the sorry piece of shit decided to settle out of court after pleading guilty to the charge.

I thought I would like to share a couple examples of chats I had had with guys while playing a decoy. Again, you’re warned about language, graphic mental images and the sudden urge to either vomit or go on a man hunt. I took out locations and names as well as screen names. That’s for your protection as much as mine.

First line was “what would you be willing to do for me, if i bought you that car?” (on my sn’s profile, i say i want a Mustang GT for my 16th birthday)

My Decoy Name: lol idk

Pedophile: not the first time someone has asked you that, is it

My Decoy Name: um yeh

Pedophile: you got a bf

My Decoy Name: no

My Decoy Name: asl?

Pedophile: 37 m ga

Pedophile: u

My Decoy Name: 13/f/ga (Obvious age difference noted)

Pedophile: what town in ga

My Decoy Name: *CITY*

My Decoy Name: what bout u

Pedophile: *CITY*

My Decoy Name: kool

Pedophile: not too far, but about an hour

Pedophile: you got a prob with my age

My Decoy Name: not relly

Pedophile: good

Pedophile: your parants know your into older men

My Decoy Name: no duh lol

Pedophile: they’d flip if they ever found out then

My Decoy Name: thats y they dont find out duh lol

Pedophile: your no virgin then

My Decoy Name: no shit sherlock

Pedophile: how many men you suck and fuck for

Pedophile: so far

My Decoy Name: 2

Pedophile: that’s cool

Pedophile: you do know if we’re to get together, i ll be honest with ya, i m goin to do you down hard, mainly most of the time we get together

Pedophile: so i would expect you to put out alot

My Decoy Name: lol ok with me

Pedophile: if im doin you down, you give up doing anything sexual with anyone else (Because we know how sexually active 13-year-olds are)

My Decoy Name: k cuz i have sooo many dudes im fucking lol

Pedophile: lookin at your pic, i could believe it

Pedophile: but i know your sarcasim knows no bounds

Pedophile: so i know you were fuckin with me on that last one

My Decoy Name: duh

Pedophile: phone # i can reach you at, i may make my way down this weekend (He’s very dominating and controling, huh?)

My Decoy Name: dont have a cell

My Decoy Name: u got 1?

Pedophile: not right now. you need to get one so i know where you are.

My Decoy Name: oic

Pedophile: got a few sex qs for ya

My Decoy Name: k

Pedophile: spit or swallow

My Decoy Name: do i get to ask ? to?

Pedophile: yeah

My Decoy Name: k

My Decoy Name: i swallow

Pedophile: you like being face fucked

My Decoy Name: no i like doin the stuff when im blowing a guy

Pedophile: good

Pedophile: anal

My Decoy Name: never done that

Pedophile: willing to

My Decoy Name: i gues if u promise it odnt hurt alot

Pedophile: it’ll be painful like the first time you fucked, you were probably real tight, yes

Pedophile: but it’ll be pleasurable

My Decoy Name: k

Pedophile: you don’t have your man use condoms do ya

Pedophile: when he’s fucking your cunt

My Decoy Name: duh i dont wanna get preggers

Pedophile: wait, the two that have fucked you have worn condoms

My Decoy Name: duh

Pedophile: well i don’t use them, the most i m willin to do is nut outside on your belly or ass (Again, the controlling)

My Decoy Name: k thats kool

Pedophile: and that’s assuming i cum outside at all, i do love nuttin inside my cunt

Pedophile: specially when she’s close and i m closer, i want to get her off

Pedophile: not just get mine

My Decoy Name: k kool

Pedophile: not on b control then are ya (Yes, parents usually put their 13-year-olds on birth control)

My Decoy Name: no

Pedophile: ever have cum shoot up your cunt before (His language was degrading and vile, obvoiusly)

My Decoy Name: no i told u the dudes wore condoms

Pedophile: sometimes there are leaks in the condoms

My Decoy Name: well i aint preggers so i gues not

Pedophile: with what i ve said so far, how badly do you want to get with me

My Decoy Name: id do u now cuz u said ud get me off to

My Decoy Name: guys dont care bout grls they jus wanna cum and b happy

Pedophile: i m one of those too, but it turns me on even more when my cunt cums as well

My Decoy Name: can i ad u?

Pedophile: now say to make you cum i cum in you first, how much would that upset you if i knock you up because of it (Every little girl’s dream! Such a charmer, too)

Pedophile: yeah

My Decoy Name: um id be mad cuz i dont want no kid and my rents wuld kill me

My Decoy Name: im *NAME* btw who r u

Pedophile: *NAME*

My Decoy Name: *NAME* who

Pedophile: i ll tell you after we meet up the first time (He wasn’t stupid when it came to this stuff)

My Decoy Name: kk

My Decoy Name: got myspace

My Decoy Name: ?

Pedophile: nope

My Decoy Name: damn

Pedophile: gotta go for now, *NAME* my cunt bitch i ll be on round 9pm tonight be on for me (I’m really glad David just calls me “sweetheart”.)

My Decoy Name: k

My Decoy Name: send me a pic then k?

Pedophile: might you got any more pics to show me

My Decoy Name: yep

Pedophile: any without clothes (I’ll never understand why these guys think children keep nude pictures lying around.)

My Decoy Name: no but i got a bikini pic

Pedophile: nice, got any good ass shots

My Decoy Name: lol no

Pedophile: you ll have to get me some good nudes before too long

Pedophile: how many fingers can ya put up your cunt

My Decoy Name: lmao yeh cuz i can put those onmy dads comp

My Decoy Name: idk i dont stick them up there

Pedophile: your able to right now?

My Decoy Name: no

Pedophile: too bad

Pedophile: you will tonight

Pedophile: i want to know how tight my good cunt is, you are a good lil cunt when with one man your with that one man only?

My Decoy Name: huh

Pedophile: you with just one man when your in a relationship

Pedophile: if you can’t tell, i m a little dominate (No? Really?)

My Decoy Name: yeh i dont cheat

Pedophile: good

Pedophile: you good at doing as your told, and nothing else

My Decoy Name: i gues

Pedophile: cause i expect my gf to be very obediant, to do as she’s told, nothing further, within reason

My Decoy Name: k sound alright

Pedophile: good, meet me back on here at 9pm, and stop talking to any other guys

Pedophile: your my bitch now (Awwwww… you know just the thing to say to make a girl feel special!)

My Decoy Name: can i stil talk to my guy cuz?

My Decoy Name: hes my best friend

Pedophile: he’s related?

My Decoy Name: yeh

Pedophile: then go ahead

My Decoy Name: k ty

Pedophile: just out of curiosity, you ever fuck family (I was asked that and if I “fucked” animals a lot.)

My Decoy Name: wtf no! ewwwwwwwwwwww

Pedophile: been told down in the south a lot of that goes on

My Decoy Name: um im from cali

Pedophile: i m not from here, you never know

Pedophile: alaska

Pedophile: here

Pedophile: bye for now, *NAME* my cunt

He never came back. I think he got scared. Ones like this guy are the ones I’d love to strip naked, nail their penis to a stump, light it on fire, hand them a dull knife and tell them to either cut it off or watch it burn.

I “retired” from PeeJ about two years ago, give or take a few months. I miss it sometimes. Helping bust these kind of guys helped me get past my past. It also gave me some comfort to know that for every guy who talked to me, I kept them from talking to a real child. I took the bullet.

Eventually, it does get to you. I knew if I didn’t stop being a decoy it could really mess with my personal life. I was almost to the point where I suspected every guy of secretly being a pedophile. Thankfully, I got past that.

So, there is a view of what is really out there. Keep it in mind with your kids, or your future kids.