Jill Victoria

I had wondered about sharing this story before, but never really thought it mattered. It happened right before my wedding day, so though it struck me deeply, it was also one of the last things on my mind to think to share here.

As I was watching a TV show on the paranormal, I was reminded by a scene of a strange occurrence that happened the day before my wedding. The story portrayed in this TV show involved a phone call from someone who was in no normal position to make one.

Most people who know me well are aware of the fact I’m very interested in the paranormal. This is one of those strange things that I find fascinating, and I invite you to take it as you want.

During my bridesmaids luncheon the day before my wedding, I was emailing back and forth with my wedding coordinator via my BlackBerry. When one of the emails she sent with pictures of the bouquets for me and my bridesmaids didn’t come through, me coordinator Leslie called me. I told her I did finally see the pictures and I loved my bouquets. We discussed more things she wanted to clear up before I and my wedding party arrived at the Hazelhurst House in just a couple of hours for the rehearsal.

While she went over things, she also mentioned that she had received a phone call asking about our wedding rehearsal. Leslie said that the person asked if the rehearsal was at 1:00. She corrected them and told them no, it was at 2:00.

I asked her who it was. I heard Leslie shuffle through papers and say “The caller ID said “Janice Cole”.

For half a moment, I was speechless. It takes a lot to really shock me, but Leslie saying that name really did it for me. Janice Cole is my husband’s deceased grandmother’s name. She died before I met David. We live in her house.

Not wanting to tell Leslie she talked to a dead woman, I simply stammered out the answer, “Um, we don’t know anyone by that name right now”.

I told my mom, who stood next me and asked what was the matter, that Leslie just said that “Nanny” called. At the moment, I happened to be standing next to a picture of her in my in-law’s house. I felt rather touched that she wanted to make her presence known for the wedding of her grandson.

I told my then future mother-in-law Deb what just happened. I’m still not sure exactly what she thinks of that.

We still never really figured out how the caller ID could have said that particular name. The phone at our house doesn’t show her name when it calls out. Besides, no one was at this house at the time to even make a call from a phone here. No cell phones are in her name, and Leslie didn’t know that Janice Cole even existed prior to her conversation with her.

Just one of those things, you know? A slight paranormal touch to my wedding. It still makes me wonder and makes me feel I somehow have her blessing because of it. Everyone tells me that Nanny and I would have gotten along wonderfully.

I hope we can.

Now that I’ve found myself on the “other side” of the marriage line, I am starting to realize more and more the unspoken animosity between married women and single women.

As a newly married woman in my twenties, I’m more aware of how TV and some of the single ladies I’ve encountered in my life view marriage. Sex and the City gives single women of all ages a reason to feel like their lives are just fine without a man. The women in that show helped me feel like being single, even in my early twenties, was a badge of honor. I could go out, socialize, flirt and be seen as powerful and independent because of my single status. Being single is great! I enjoyed my single days and I felt empowered to be a single woman at times.

What I hate hearing is how some single women (notice I said some, not all) say things like “I’m single because I want more from life” or “I’m just not settling for some guy“.

I can promise you, married women didn’t just “settle” for some guy and we certainly didn’t get married because we wanted dull and uneventful lives! We want just as much out of life as the next single lady.

I’m all for single women feeling empowered, just as I did when I was single. No woman should need a man to define who she is or to make her way in life. At the same time, single women who act like a married woman has given up who she is and shunned her independence for her husband are just wrong. I am just as empowered by my marriage as I was by my singlehood.

Gone are the days when a single woman in her late twenties and up were considered “spinsters” or “old maids”. With the way some view married women these days, the views have flip-flopped at best. Single ladies are viewed as courageous, powerful and independent, while married women seem to be viewed as women who want a quite, dull life with no sense of excitement or adventure.

Honestly, I don’t see what this change in relationship status has to do with who we are as women. I, even as a married woman, am still independent, powerful and courageous. If anything, I see married women as being the more courageous because they put it all on the line for a marriage, to be part of a partnership in life. It’s a scary and life altering move, I promise you that! It take courage and a powerful sense of self to pull it off. It certainly isn’t settling.

Not only does it take courage to be married, but it also take courage to face what marriage brings. I’m not just talking about bills, money issues and the like. Getting married usually means a change in name, address, families and even friendships. It hurts me at times when I hear my single friends say they didn’t think to invite me to something because they thought I’d be too busy doing “married people things”. I’m still me! I’m still Jill, your friend. Marriage doesn’t put me in an exclusive club where I’m a totally different and unreachable person.

Just as a single woman shouldn’t be punished for her single status, a married woman shouldn’t either.

Whatever happened to falling in love and taking a chance? You can still be who you were as a person married as you were single. I think that both married women and single women should be able to carry the titles of “powerful”, “courageous” and “independent” together, because we’re all women.

Even the women in Sex and the City realized they were still who they were, regardless of a ring on the finger and a Mrs. in front of their name.

I try and have a list of personal goals for each year. These are things I know I can make happen over the year, rather than resolutions.

My goals for 2010 are:

* Find a better job.
* Work on my house.
* Lose more weight.
* Find a style I love for my hair.
* Unpack my boxes.
* Learn more dishes to cook.
* Go on vacation with Krista and Spencer and then with Emily and Greg.
* Get out of debt.
* Do well in school.
* Do home improvement and repairs.
* Maybe get a tattoo.
* Buy some more Coach shoes and some Clark’s.
* Weave enough scarves to sell.
* Sell more Mary Kay.
* Travel.
* Learn new things.
* Find a church home.
* Make new friends.
* Work on my French.
* Go to Disney World!
* Be a great wife.

I think this is a list of goals I can accomplish. Some aren’t mandatory, but others are. Should be an interesting year. Definitely not as hectic and life changing as last!

I decided a few years ago that I just don’t dig the New Year’s Resolutions. They’re great for everyone who wants to make them, but not me.

I prefer to make resolutions when the notion strikes me, and not just because its a new year.

I’ve seen people on Twitter and Facebook say that 2010 is a new beginning, a chance to wipe your slate clean. I beg to differ. A new year doesn’t clean your slate. You don’t hit the reset button and everything you did from 2009 back is gone. Why would you want that anyways?

I’d rather add more to my slate rather than wipe it clean. My choices aren’t always the best, but they make me who I am. I get one chance at this life God has given me and I refuse to see a new year as my life being cleaned away.

Maybe I just don’t see the new year the way most do. I won’t make resolutions to change my life when I’m not mentally ready for it, and I won’t pretend my life has a reset button at the stroke of midnight every January 1st.

I will, however, make my list of goals. Totally different than resolutions. Resolutions are breaking down a complex situation into simpler ones; goals are things to work towards.

My goals will be my next blog.

I’ve done this a few years now, either on my old MySpace blog or in my personal handwritten journals. It’s amazing to see what I’ve experienced and learned in just 365 days. Being able to look back to see everything in one place does add to realizing that A) Life is a constant learning experienced and that B) I am truly blessed.

Here is my list of what I’ve learned in 2009:

• * Just because something starts off on the wrong foot doesn’t mean you won’t land steady on the other foot.
• * People are definitely not who they say they are in every situation. Something I’ve known, but was reiterated.
• * Despite your age, girls are still just as ready to rip you to pieces over nothing; especially in online forums.
• * Big, life changing things come in small packages. Like fortune cookies.
• * There will always be someone jealous of you.
• * Rumors never cease to amaze me.
• * Vietnamese food is amazing!
• * So is Korean.
• * My PT Cruiser an hold five people and a ton of luggage and still make it back in one piece from Florida.
• * I don’t get sea sick!
• * Prayer works in amazing ways!
• * Losing people, even ones you didn’t know long, is never easy.
• * Getting married is everything and nothing like I expected it to be.
• * In the end, I know what’s best for me despite what others believe.
• * Wedding dresses weigh a million pounds!
• * By the end of each year, you know exactly who your true friends are. This can change again by the end of the following year.
• * Strawberry shortcake wedding cake is the best ever!
• * Karma. She’s a biznitch.
• * God provides, even in ways not thought possible.
• * The weather man can be very, very wrong! 70% chance of rain on a wedding day? NEVER HAPPENED! Not even a drizzle! God did it
• * Cooking is not as hard as I thought it was.
• * More and more each day, I know that I married my best friend and love of my life.
• * Green tea with mixed berries is fantastic!
• * It’s really great having more family now.
• * You never know when someone might get married… like my baby brother!
• * Having a house is a big chore, and a big blessing!
• * Whenever you run out of good music, iTunes helps.
• * Fernandina, FL is probably one of the most perfect vacation spots.
• * The Bahamas are not what you think they are.
• * The Florida Keys are amazing!
• * I so love my pink BlackBerry.
• * I miss having a puppy.
• * Pandora charms are really cool.
• * Discount shopping is great! Brand names at half the price!
• * Having two sets of parents now is really nice.
• * Having a sister-in-law, a brother-in-law and a future sister-in-law is pretty awesome. I especially dig the sister-in-law.
• * Knowing that my husband loves my cooking is encouraging.
• * I have good decorating skills, apparently.
• * I still have more unread books than I should.
• * Blogging, Twitter and Facebook have really helped me express myself, but it’s also helped me learn more about myself.
• * Marriage isn’t scary. I was so afraid!
• * Blue eyes are so pretty.
• * Nothing beats waking up next to the man you love every morning.
• * The job market sucks.
• * The majority of Americans are too naïve for their own good.
• * Trust is crucial. I know who I can trust.
• * Fayetteville has no real buffalo wings place, and that really sucks!
• * Life can be a fairytale, just don’t expect the pixie dust.
• * PJ’s Cafe has the best grilled chicken sandwich… ever!
• * There is always hope.
• * Sometimes you have to carry your friend when they’re down, till someone else totally puts them back on their feet.
• * I am so loved.
• * Dream weddings can happen.
• * Weaving is fun.
• * Life changes… a lot.
• * I have an old soul, but a young body.
• * College is great! Especially online.
• * Steak and fries on a salad? Not as weird as you’d think.
• * Road trips are still the best thing to do with friends.
• * World of Warcraft is indeed for dorks. I am now one of them.
• * Chowbaby is a picky food eater’s paradise!
• * I’ve gotten my happily ever after.

There is my list. I know I’ll think of more things, and then probably add them on. I’m curious as to what any readers out there might have learned this year. Tell me! Life is one big learning experience, after all!

In two thousand nine
I changed my last name to Cole.
I’m his blushing bride.

Been a good year!

Can you summarize your life in 2009 in a haiku? Break down the 5-7-5 syllable pattern and post your reply!

Christmas has wrapped up now. The year will follow in just two days. It seems crazy how much this year has dragged and flown by at the same time! All the months of preparing and waiting for my wedding day seemed to crawl. Now these days of marriage are quickly passing me by!

My Christmas was very good this year. David and I were asked a lot how we liked spending our first Christmas married together. Honestly, the only difference in this year and last year together is we woke up in the same bed. All the other things, like family and traditions and all the driving were the same.

On Christmas Eve, we started our day out next door to our house at Sally’s for the Sams/Cole/Goza/etc get together. We had finger foods, drinks and visited with people. We left directly from there to go to my parent’s house and ride with them as well as my brother, GranMar and Aunt Donna up to The Varsity in Atlanta. That’s my side of the family’s Christmas Eve tradition. We meet other family members up there for dinner, exchange little gifts and then part ways again.

At my parent’s house afterward, the five of us exchanged gifts under the tree and watched my favorite Christmas movie: A Muppet Christmas Carol. David and I then went home and exchanged our own gifts. It was one of the few moments we had just to ourselves. I loved the gifts that David gave me, and I know he loved the ones I gave him. I think his favorite gift from me by far was his fedora hat. He looks sharp in it, too! My favorite gift came a couple of days later: a Coach purse!

Christmas morning my wonderful husband made sure that Santa Claus took the bait of milk and cookies I left out and found me at my new address. It was very sweet

We then made our way to breakfast at my in-law’s house. John, Yoly, GrandMom and Laurie were also there, so we exchanged gifts with everyone. Afterward, David and I drove to McDonough to have lunch with my parents, brother, grandparents, Aunt Donna and Corinne. Other family members stopped by to wish us Merry Christmas before they left for their next destination.

For dinner, we were back at the in-law’s for the Cole Christmas party. That was fun, as always.

The day after Christmas was the Varner family gathering. We first met at GrandMom’s house to dedicate a tree in Pop’s memory. It was a very touching time.

This Christmas was also a bittersweet time for me and my family. While it was wonderful spending my first Christmas as a married woman with David and my family including him in our traditions, we were sad to think my brother would leave in a few short days to serve in Iraq for a year.

Matthew was supposed to leave on December 27th, but he left today instead. I wish more than anything that I could have been with him and my parents as he was preparing to leave, but I couldn’t be. Please keep him and our other soldiers in your prayers as they defend our country and our freedoms.

Other than Christmas and my brother leaving, things have been going well. The house is an on going project, but it’s a lot of fun watching even the littlest things make it feel more and more like a cozy home for two. The new furniture my in-laws bought us for Christmas certainly has helped the living room!

David and I have also been able to spend more time with Krista and Spencer. We all have such clashing schedules it’s hard to find time to get together. It’s especially hard when we live in two different towns. I just wish I could spend as much time with other friends.

I am almost sad to see 2009 go. It has changed my life so drastically and brought me so many good things and good people. I am so blessed, and can’t help but look forward to what 2010 will be!

During the Christmas holidays, you see and hear the phrase “Keep Christ in Christmas” everywhere. It’s no surprise, seeing the way that Christmas is viewed by some.

There are the people who say that Christmas is too commercialized and that Santa has kidnapped the baby Jesus and taken His place at the center of the holiday. I just don’t see this as so.

If Christ is missing from Christmas, it’s because Christians are failing to recognize their own religious holiday for what it is. Christmas is a CHRISTIAN holiday, so therefore people of other faiths or non-believers won’t celebrate the way a Christian will.

Christians get so offended when someone says “Happy Holidays” as opposed to “Merry Christmas” to them. I don’t. Why should I? As a Christian, it’s up to me to tell the story of Jesus’ birth, not a store’s, a non-believer or any other outlet’s. Boycotting stores because of “Happy Holidays” is just ridiculous.

We need to remember as Christians that this is our holiday. If you don’t like the commercialism of it all, then don’t buy into it… literally. If you don’t want your children to see Santa as a central Christmas figure, then don’t raise them to believe in him. Keep Christmas as you see fit.

The Obama’s wanted to celebrate a “non-religious Christmas” in the White House this year as a way of making a Christian holiday “more inclusive”. If they, as a proclaimed Christian family, want to neutralize Christmas in their home, then that’s their prerogative. But expecting a religious holiday to bow to the politically correct needs of others is just insulting. Saying you want a “non-religious Christmas” is like saying you want a non-political campaign run. Christmas is a religious holiday for Christians, regardless of what anyone wants it to be.

Then there are the global warming zealots like Mary Armstrong of Cazenovia, NY. In a letter to the editor of Syracuse.com, Armstrong states her opinion that we should do away with Christmas as a way to combat global warming. If Ms. Armstrong believes so strongly that a lack of this holiday will save our planet, then she can practice this belief on her own.

There are obviously many people out there who will make Christmas into anything and everything but what it is: a time to celebrate the birth of a Savior; a time to celebrate the bonds of family through blood; friendship and faith, and a time to wish peace on earth and good will toward our fellow man.

Christmas is what it is. Traditions change, views on the holiday change and how we celebrate evolves with time. Keeping Christ in Christmas is easy, because despite what a secular world might say or do, Christ will always remain. The only way Christ will leave Christmas is if His followers abandon Him.

Sometimes…

You just have to let go and move on.

Things change a lot, and some things you can’t control. In the long run, I believe that all of the changes come at the exact right time and for a specific reason.

There are a lot of things out of my control that I wish weren’t. I can’t control that aspect either. Jobs, friends, family, politics, religion… all out of my control.

I can, however, control how I look at things. I can be the glass half empty pessimistic girl, hanging her head and writing blogs that drown in “woe is me”. Or, I can be the glass half full optomistic girl with the bright side shining through.

Life is about how you view things. As the witty Oscar Wilde once said: “What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise“.

I have my moments of seeming to want to sip from that pessimistic glass. Really, I’m an optimist at heart… a masquerading cynic of sorts when it comes to letting the down side get to me.

So, while glasses may be half empty or half full, I think I’ll stick to seeing things through rose colored glasses. Keep things in prospective and trust that God has under control what I totally don’t have.

I’ve made my list of wishes for Santa, but what I really want for Christmas is for all the people in the above picture to be together.

For this year, I at least have my parents, husband and brother for Christmas. My brother, Matthew, will leave two days after Christmas to serve in the Army for a year in Iraq. I won’t see him again till next December. Matthew’s wife Susan is stationed in Korea with the Army and I won’t see her again till June or July of 2010.

As much as I wish I could have my whole side of the immediate family together for Christmas, I know it won’t happen. I look forward to Christmas of 2010, when all the people in that wonderful family photo will spend Christmas together.